For the last eight weeks, I have been paying more attention to my grammar than ever before thanks to my new job as a newspaper editor, an editing class, and, of course, this blog.
Of course, being more aware of my grammar also means that I have become more aware of other people’s grammar at the same time, specifically other people’s grammatical errors. Most of the time, this ability is welcome.
I work in a place that reveres grammar above all else. For every mistake I correct, my employees usually thank me for catching their error. I have, over the course of the last weeks, found this pattern to be false with any other than the people I work with. What follows are the excerpts from my attempts to correct the grammar of others.
Random person waiting in line at the Frontier:
“So me and Mack went to the store,” the guy in front of me said. I told him kindly he meant “Mack and I,” and then he asked me how I knew Mack. I told him I didn’t know Mack, but that he used the wrong pronoun. He looked at me blankly, and turned away.
Fellow classmate in design class:
“Over 30,000 fans!” the poster for a rock show said. I asked what the fans were over. And why did they need so many fans. I said I only had one fan in my house and I got along just fine. Did she mean more than 30,000 fans? My classmate also started at me blankly before telling me that we probably shouldn’t talk to each other anymore.
My little brother’s science fair project:
“Which plane flies the furthest?” his board said. In the interest of teaching him good habits early, I told my younger brother, he’s nine, that he meant to use farther. I told him “farther” is especially for distances and “further” is for everything else. He was grateful, but my mother came in shouting at me. “You don’t correct a nine year’s old grammar! What’s wrong with you?”
My girlfriend via text message:
“You think I am a unique dancer?” she asked. I had to say no because I know that unique means. That it means a sole example. It means only one, and my girlfriend isn’t the only dancer in her style. She has defining traits, but she’s not unique according to the traditional sense of the word. Or at least that’s what I told her. She told me she wasn’t talking to me for a while as that was the best way to avoid grammatical mistakes.
So in short, I figure there’s a time for grammatical excellence, namely when someone pays or asks for your expertise. Otherwise, it may be best to keep your mouth shut and allow others to destroy the conventions of language. And if you can’t do that, just prepare for the consequences.
Your encounters are hilarious. You have come up with a fantastic way to tease the issues, while imagining and describing these run-ins with the serial offenders.
ReplyDeleteYour meeting at the Frontier, and the discussion of all those fans overhead end with really funny finales.
I like the way your girlfriend handled your explanation of unique.
Thanks, too, for the link to the consequences…a warning to us all.
I'm kind of worried about commenting on this post for fear that my grammar will be corrected, but here it goes.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting how your interaction with everyday situations has changed with your new responsibilities and workload, I'm sure I'd undergo similar changes on the way that I look at people's sentences if I was taking editing as well.
I agree with your conclusion that there is a time for grammatical excellence, a lot of times grammatical accuracy can come off as pretentious even if it is technically correct.
I hear a lot of grammatically incorrect sentences all of the time, but I don't think the intoxicated individuals on the Central bus would appreciate my corrections.
Well written post.
Also: SMBC FTW!!
ReplyDeleteThis is a great post, Chris. I like your stories and the explanations behind them. There is a time and a place for everything, I guess! Perfect comic, too!
ReplyDeleteThis is really entertaining. I had an old roommate who'd constantly correct people's grammar, though never in a positive, reaffirming way. He'd just get mad and sort of blow up in obscenities. I'd try and use really poor grammar anytime I had to tell him anything, or when I'd introduce people to him; I could tell how upset he'd get.
ReplyDeleteHow do you do at bars? Bar grammar seems to be pretty terrible for the most part, but sometimes hilarious. I get a kick out of people using atrocious grammar, but blaming it on drinking. Usually when I drink, my grammar just gets exponentially better...but then I black out after speaking in a really thick British accent, sticking my pinky up quoting Pascal.